do you ever get the feeling that your heart just, well, died?
it happens to me every time i watch dead poets society.
every single time. in an hour and a half, i become inspired and then whatever thought, dream or idea is killed.
i'm kind of like neil and it scares me. it scares me so much that i watch the movie over again, waiting, hopelessly for the ending that will suit me. it's a constant suffocation by pressure. my entire life.
drowning in expectations. i just want it to stop. but not like neil.
although, i did play the part of puck once. just like neil.
see? it's scary. i can't take it. i don't know who i want to be. i mean, i'm only eighteen.
it's not like i really exist is it? have i even made an impact in this so called place?
indeed, i think i have not. not at all. i won't be remembered. i won't be missed.
why is it so important that i decide my future now?
all i want, is to be remembered. and i can't do that if i don't even remember who i am.

argh. you're such a fucking fucker! i literally cannot think of anything to say but fuck now. i dislike you so intensely that i actually lose the will to communicate in the same language that you destroy with your fuckheadness everyday. seriously, why the hell do you even exist? at least i can acknowledge the fact that i think i'm cool. yeah, i'm arrogant as fuck but at least i'm not a god damn poser. oh, check you out, know what music is! hi-five for being able to legitimately go on wikipedia. seriously, that's so amazing i think i want to be your best friend in the entire world.


it just urks me so bad, when people just can't accept that people like what they like and that's it. screw liking what's cool and hating what isn't. you like something because it is amazing, not because everyone else does. who gives a god damn shit in life if i want to watch glee or some other musical with all my life? does it really concern you? i think you'll find that regardless of what i watch, i'm still going to think you're a ginormous twat.
because you just are. i wish i could say this to your face. if we didn't have mutual friends, oh the things i would throw at you!

hello all. (ruth)
i have a new aim in life.
apart from the whole, opening cafes, designing coffee mugs, marrying a peasant in barcelona thing.
i'm going to read all the books that rory mentions in gilmore girls.
i think it's a very worthy mission. it could take a while
but i think it will be a very good thing. and when i eventually meet my soulmate,
they'll be very impressed when we watch gilmore girls together
and i understand every quote. how intelligent they will find me!
and then i'll giggle. and say something stupid and spill coffee down my front.
i'm a moment ruiner.
that's just how i roll.