Tuesday, July 13, 2010













i've spent the past four days.
watching greys anatomy. and being sick. and it really weirds me out.
because ruth is sick and watching greys anatomy.
and we didn't even discuss to do this at the same time.
i think we could be twins. and i'm not even kidding.

other news: i was asked to the triny college senior ball by one joshua ryan.
and i feel really old. but i know i'm not.
it's actually made my life. i thought that now i'd moved two hours away,
that everyone had forgotten about me. and then i get a call,
and i thought that josh was just using me to call emilie because her phone was dead and he knew she was at my house. but he actually wanted to talk to me. i mean, i know i'm not a first choice or anything,
but damn, i'm excited. people remember me. i mean something.
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Thursday, July 8, 2010

i finally, finally recieved a pair of lace up boots today.
and the most awkward thing happened.
and i'm writing it here because mother will never find it here.
but i don't want to be a teacher.
and i have to be. otherwise, well, i just have to be a teacher.
and i inquired about graphic design at a college in the city.
and the brochure came in the mail today
and i opened it right infront of my mother, not realising what  it was.

i had to tell her that my dream, was motherfucking junk mail.
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Sunday, July 4, 2010

every single day.
i wake up and i drink a coffee.
when i'm sad, i drink a coffee.
when i'm happy, i drink a coffee.
and every single day, i smile at how much it warms up my heart strings.
i'm in love. and i don't care that the love of my life chills in my stomach after our love making.
it's kind of weird. but then again,
so am i.
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Sunday, June 27, 2010

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Monday, June 14, 2010

hey world.
i was just kind of wondering like,
at what point in a relationship does someone stop being referred to as their name and just being referred to as "my boyfriend"? is there a specific time. like ooh, 3 months in, TIME TO LOSE IDENTITY. bernard? who is this bernard fellow your talking about? oh, YOU MEAN MAAA BOOYYYYYFWEENNDD. yeah, HE HAWT. i'm in a relationship. with my latte. i still refer to my lover as my latte. i'm not going to run around renaming him as my cutesie wutsie boyf. yeah. people make me vomit. all the time. lucky i eat a lot or my stomach lining would be fuuuuuuccckkkeedd.
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Thursday, June 10, 2010

i have a job interview today. and everytime i have one of these i remember that i don't buy nice clothes.
my wardbrobe consists of jeans and bright coloured tee shirts and apparently, that is not proper attire.
i realise that how you dress reflects alot of who you are, but you know what?
i'ma charm the fuck out of you anyway, regardless of if i'm in a tie dye or a high waisted skirt.
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Saturday, May 22, 2010

do you ever get the feeling that your heart just, well, died?
it happens to me every time i watch dead poets society.
every single time. in an hour and a half, i become inspired and then whatever thought, dream or idea is killed.
i'm kind of like neil and it scares me. it scares me so much that i watch the movie over again, waiting, hopelessly for the ending that will suit me. it's a constant suffocation by pressure. my entire life.
drowning in expectations. i just want it to stop. but not like neil.
although, i did play the part of puck once. just like neil.
see? it's scary. i can't take it. i don't know who i want to be. i mean, i'm only eighteen.
it's not like i really exist is it? have i even made an impact in this so called place?
indeed, i think i have not. not at all. i won't be remembered. i won't be missed.
why is it so important that i decide my future now?
all i want, is to be remembered. and i can't do that if i don't even remember who i am.
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